Sunday, November 29, 2009

Little red scarf

Let me tell you a story about a girl... A girl no one knew, but a girl who knew everyone.
A big noisy city, that goes by a name of no significance. Snow is quietly falling on the ground, while all the busy people rush as if their lives depend on it. They always rush. That's a part of their life...
Among all those people, on the ice-covered pavement sits a girl. She has rather big brown eyes, her dark locks accenting her unhealthily pale skin. Due to the cold her lips are a light shade of blue. Her tiny body is dressed in a wide coat, ridiculously long for her size, a bit jagged and quite worn. It's grey, like everybody else's. Still, in the mass of people wearing dull colours and rushing by, the child stands out. She's wearing a red scarf, also a bit too big for her. Still, it gets her noticed. Even the busy passers by see her and throw the occasional penny.
So who is this girl? No one knows. An orphan perhaps. She just sits on the sidewalk, holding a tiny cup, without saying a word. She used to say 'Thank you, kind sir' to those who dropped something in her cup or even looked at her, but not anymore. Life is too simple to be able to deceive any child. She knows that no one hears what she says. They all go back to rushing and being busy...
Another day over, the sun slowly sets. She stands up and heads to whatever she calls home. No one knows where this is. No one knows if there is such a place. Still, we'll suppose that's where she's headed. The little girl walks slowly, unlike all the other people around her. But it seems like she's taken a wrong turn... She's in a dead end alley, an unfamiliar one. She stops to listen to the sound of the wind blowing, when the strong smell of low-quality cigarettes causes her to cough uncontrollably.
'Oh, sorry, sweetie' says a voice. It's a female one, but it sounds like it's been tortured before. The child looks at the voice's source as if she recognized it. And she did. It belongs to a woman who lives in the streets, like her. After she had a baby, she became a prostitute to earn the money she needed to take care of it. She went through a lot of pain, sleeping with men with no morals and cruel behaviour, but even so, her precious child died. Ever since, she's been smoking and drinking as a way to kill her pain, which requires her to continue on with her job in order to earn the money for cigarettes and alcohol.
Without thinking, the girl hands over her earnings for the day. The skinny woman in front of her looks at her with her painfully grey eyes and her thin lips manage to move and allow her to say 'Why?'. The only answer she receives is 'It's Christmas soon, isn't it?' as the little girl with the vibrant red scarf walks away.
What the woman did later, no one knew. Maybe she used her money for more cigarettes...
The following night, the little girl heads somewhere once again. She walks slowly, but since she's tired, she prefers to look at her feet while walking... And she bumps into someone. It's a tall man with black clothing, covered in fake coal, trying to shake hands with people for a tiny profit. But no, he isn't one of these fake chimney sweepers. He's the real thing... Or at least he used to be. Electricity has been making people's lives easier every day and they finally chose it over chimneys. Simple logic can tell the dullest of men what happened to his job afterwards. He looks at the girl and smiles, shaking hands with her. 'For good luck' he says 'So you don't bump into more people'. He expects no payment, but she gives him her earnings again. Even though he tries to refuse the money, she says 'It's Christmas soon, isn't it?' .
In a few nights, she said the same thing to the baker's wife, who got kicked out of her own home by her drunken husband; the old couple of starving artists, whose children became thieves who are willing to steal by their own parents; the little twins that beg in front of the church; and the blind old lady down the street.
And soon enough, it's truly Christmas. Busy people rush by the little girl with the red scarf and throw the occasional penny. She still doesn't say thank you. And as before, no one notices. But as the sun sets, she doesn't stand up. She doesn't move anymore. Her big eyes are still open, but she doesn't see anything anymore. No one notices.
How that happened, no one truly knows. But the prostitute, the chimney sweeper, the baker's wife, the artist couple, the little twins and the old lady all say the same:
'God wanted his angel back'


I am so sorry to bother you with this uninteresting story, but I really wanted to write it out. When I got the idea, it seemed better, but I wanted to continue writing to see what you think of it. Please let me know, ok? ♥

I apologize for any typos I have made, my fingers are very cold m(__ __)m
I'll draw some sketches of the characters in this story, so stay tuned!

I was told this layout makes it difficult to read, because of the pink-ness that's going on, so I'm planning to change it. Should I keep it pink and green or use something else? Please comment and tell me!

Thank you all very much for reading my blog and supporting me, I really appreciate it!
-Sushi-tan ♥

P.S. I think my story is a bit cliche, isn't it? :/ I'm a bad writer! Are there any stories similar to this one? If so, please let me know, I don't want to unintentionally steal someone's work!


Monday, October 26, 2009

[Artless and very important] PLEASE HELP, ADVICE WANTED

If you are from my current school, you might find this offensive, but your advice would be good too.
If you are from IT High School Exupery (The Little Prince), please read on, I really need your advice, ok?♥

いらっしゃいませ、そして。。。
Ok, so I moved to an art school, right? Some of you might find this rather prestigious and quite an achievement, but that means you're foreign, because things are a bit different than in Bulgaria.
Now, I've been to public schools and I know that even the greatest ones only have their big names left. I've been to one of the (supposedly) best, so I know.
So I didn't expect things with the Art School I'm in right now to be different, but I'm here with the ambition to study animation later on. They don't offer animation here, so I thought I'd graduate with Illustration and have two options - zoology or animation later on.
But still, I don't think I can go on with any of these if the general subjects aren't covered, and well... My English teacher can't speak English, my IT teacher says 'hotmail' instead of 'html' and my Bulgarian teacher reads the lessons out of our textbook.
Also, this year they have changed the headmaster. This one only cares about the musicians. One of my upperclassman friends told me she found drawings from six years ago which got Fs, but something like that is considered worthy of an A nowadays. The same friend was just drawing in one of the studios when it started raining and it started to leak into the room. Joy.
Also, we're in the same class with some ballerinas.
I thought they would be beautiful, graceful people. Silent and gentle. Instead, they are loud, noisy, stupid and mean. Well, most of them. There is one who DOESN'T shake the ground when she walks, she's sweet to everyone and she's clever too. It's like she compensates for everyone else. The bad thing is, she's one and they're 7. The artists, who were shy and seemed sweet, started behaving just like them. They're annoying and some of them can't draw either. There are some girls who are actually pretty nice. Also, there's a girl who used to be one of my closest friends in Elementary school (grades 1 through 4). I wouldn't mind, but she's a tad bit superficial and incredibly clingy. She's never switched schools before, so she clings to me. She never studies though :< (I don't know why I'm saying that, it just bothers me to see someone intelligent who is pretty much killing their wits). She made more friends than me, but she's almost always sticking to me. I wouldn't mind it if I wasn't a bit of a loner wolf who likes her privacy. Curse my introvertedness.

So as you guessed, I am considering going back to Exupery/The Little Prince. But I am really scared to do so, too. Their level of education is wonderful, and I appreaciate that very much, but I'm not sure what will happen with my wish to study animation. Even so, they specialize in languages and IT and their entire staff is very creative and open to new options and ideas, so I wouldn't be surprised if they offer me something. They strive for the top after all.
Also, I definitely prefer my classmates from that school. But I'm scared because one of them has a great singing voice and used to be in my current school. She was there for 5 months or so and then came to this one. She actually tried to convince me not to go... I think I should have listened to her. She's very sweet, but still, I'm worried about the "HAHA, TOLD YOU SO" thing that happens in most schools. Maybe I'm too scared people judge me, but I have been a victim of that for so long, I just stopped trusting people with that. I'm afraid the others might join in too.
Still, I'm seriously thinking about going back there.

Have you ever watched Don Bluth's 'Anastasia'? It's full of wonderful songs, one of which is called 'Journey to the past' and has a line which I particularly like and identify with:
People always say 'Life is full of choices', no one ever mentions... fear......

So I need your advice desperately. I'm very uncertain about this, so some feedback will be appreciated, ESPECIALLY if you're from Exupery/TLP, but anyone's advice is welcome!

Thank you very much!
~Sushi-tan (^.^)v

P.S. My tablet is back, so expect an update with art to compensate!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Back by demand

やあ~
Missed me? Probably not, I only have two followers anyway, haha!
But today one of them asked me to update my blog and I couldn't help it, since she's just so sweet! Thank you very much for being there for me ♥

To those of you who were actually concerned about my friend issue (Aww, thank you very much):
I'm just trying to accept things as they are, so I'm just acting like nothing happened to her and even though she's not like she was before, I think I'm getting used to it, so rest assured, I'm absolutely fine~ Thanks to the sweethearts who were worried so much about me, I love you very much ♥♥

To be honest, I was indeed asked to write this blog post, but I don't have all that much to say... So I will open up a topic about art!
What kind of art do you like? Is it in the form of drawing or performing something? Do you like doing/drawing it or just seeing it? Why? Your opinion is important to me!
I, myself, love all sorts of art, it's all beautiful in its own way and each type of art can inspire another! You have no idea how many of my drawings have been inspired by books, music, ballet, even opera!
What about you? What inspires you?
Please tell me! ( ゚ー゚)/♥
It will also help me draw art that you will like more in the future! My tablet is still broken, but I hope that this can be fixed soon!

Also, Halloween is coming up! Are you going trick-or-treating? In my country, most people are Orthodox, so they don't celebrate it, but I made up an outfit and I hope my mom agrees to help me sew it! It's a witchy lolita outfit... I'll post pictures if I get it done, ね! (^o~)b I may celebrate it with my friend... Decoarting, drawing and eating candy, ahaha! And a sleepover, hehe (≧∇≦)

Other than that, life's been pretty melancholic for me... But a blog posted by a friend made me think...
She said that when she goes out of the house, she "puts on a mask" of a sort, she isn't her true self...
In fact, that's the same way I've been feeling too '_' Why is it that the world wants us to be all the same and pushes our uniquness? I wish to know... Perhaps this is why I've turned to lolita in the first place - When I accomplish my goal of being a lolita not only in manners but in looks too, people won't only notice by my behaviour, but by my style that I am someone different, unlike them, and not afraid to show them... I am a child, a lady, immature and mature at the same time, I am something that they cannot comprehend, yet something that's so simple! Like the Prince and the Pauper, in this world of princes and princesses, I am a pauper dressed as a prince, tagging along in their game, yet not fit to do that job...

I would like to stop keeping you busy with something as pointless as my personal life, but I want to share something more...
I have found the wonderful Japanese singer Rurutia (ルルティア)... She has such a beautiful and mysterious voice, her songs have so much feeling to them, they make me cry (be it happy or sad tears)! Please listen to some of her songs and tell me what you think too!

So then, that would be it!
Bye bye!
~Sushi-tan (^o^)v

Sunday, September 13, 2009

How much do YOU treasure your friends?

やあ( ̄○ ̄)/
So you guys might have been wondering, why do I have imaginary friends such as Sasaki-san and Momo-chan, huh? Maybe as a gamer, I've finally ran out of lives and became a loser with no life, so the only people who want to be my friends are my own imaginations?
I guess you're at least half right...

But recently, I've been really blue. I told you about my friend issue before, but now it got more serious.
Have you read Snow Flower And The Secret Fan? If not, you ought to. It's a beautifully written book about Chinese women's life in the past and more importantly, their friendship. Even though these times are so far from us, I'm sure all of us females can identify at least a little with the characters.
I will now write some spoilers, so please don't read them if you don't want to get your reading ruined:
Lily found that Snow Flower's background was far from what she was told. She was being lied to, because their LaoTong relationship was in fact made by Snow Flower's aunt (Mrs Wang if that's how you spell it) in order to make her future a little better (She married a butcher, who is a bit higher in the social ladder than a person such as, say, Lily's father). Snow Flower was afraid that Lily wouldn't want to continue their friendship anymore, but instead, Lily wanted to help her. She was a little pushy with her help, so Snow Flower wrote her a letter (in Nu Shu of course) in which it said "Please do not concern yourself with my well-being anymore. A sisterhood has offered me the understanding I need in order for you not to worry". Lily was indeed furious and she tried to erase Snow Flower from her life, but couldn't. In the end, it turned out that she misinterperted the meaning. She had thought that Snow Flower broke their bond and somewhat 'cheated' on her, by joining a sisterhood... In reality, three women in a sisterhood just supported her, because she was afraid not to concern Lily. This painful truth was something Lily didn't discover until her LaoTong's death.

I felt the same way Lily did when talking to my own friend (You remember? The one I told you before... The one I met online and kept withdrawing from me). In the same time, I was afraid that I was the one withdrawing from her, by misinterpereting what would be her own Nu Shu. I DID try to withdraw from her. I ignored the stuff she wrote, I even removed her from my IM contacts... But she just kept coming back. After all... She is my friend and I love her deeply, so it's not possible for me to ignore her for too long. So yesterday I decided to talk to her head on about it, hoping she would understand...
Well.... She tried to cheer me up, but in a way which was something like
Me: Maybe I haven't been a good enough friend... I'm so sorry, but it's good you have friends that understand you better now.
Friend: Maybe -My Other Friend- and I h
ave more in common, so we have more to talk about and stuff... It's not like we don't, but it's just not the right things.
Which is pretty much another way of saying "Yes, she's a better friend than you are."
And then, when I was at the point where I was drowning in tears, she said "Sorry for not replying fast enough, but many people are writing and killing stuff in DOMO (the game she's playing and which is the main reason for this all)..." Which really hurt me.

Still, I realize she hurt me unintentionally, so I don't blame her at all. Maybe I'm too sensetive. I take friendships very far, I devote my feelings to my friends a lot...

Maybe it wouldn't have hurt me if I wasn't used to remembering all the small things friends say to me. I remember clearly that once the IM program both of us used stopped logging her in, so I had to download and use another one, because she was "too lazy to log in", but now she logs in for her DOMO friends all the time. Before I downloaded the new IM, she wrote to me on facebook chat and said "We've been out of touch... You're my best friend and I'm afraid of losing you..." and last year I sent her a gift for her birthday, which is in the end of autumn, so she wanted to return the favour and sent me a gift for Christmas, along with a letter I had to open on my birthday. I was curious, but I did open it. I have never shared it with anyone, but now I feel that it's ok. I can't find it, but I have to ask my mom, since she was cleaning up a lot and she might have put it somewhere else... But what I do remember is:

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me"

I remember that the first time I read it, I cried so many happy tears... She really touched me.
Right now, while searching for it, I found the other gifts and drawings she had sent me that time and once again, I was so deeply touched...

The funny thing is that we've never met in real life. Maybe I don't have a life at all, which is why I can get attached to online friends so much... Or maybe it's just that no one judges me online. Judgments are the thing that has made me an outcast in most cases...

So, what I want to say is:
You know who you are... If you're reading this right now, please forgive me. Maybe I never gave you enough attention, but kept on wanting it? I don't know. But I have and always will care deeply for you. If something should ever happen and you have no one else to turn to, I'll still be here. Even so, I hope you never feel the way I'm feeling now. I love you very much and I'm sorry for everything...

If you're one of my friends (be it online or a real one), please know that you are loved!

So this is why I made up Momo-chan and Sasaki-san. They give me hope when I'm alone. When I went to bed last night, I felt myself trembling and soon after I burst into tears. But they were there for me. I feel like that if no one else can support me, my own creations will help me get through it. Sometimes we fight....
But we still love each other very much...
So it's ok, I guess... Sometimes I feel lonely, but lately, I'm becoming more and more used to it...

Bye bye and thanks for reading >w<
~Sushi-tan (^o^)v

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Oh noes!

(Please note: Because of my tablet pen's tragic death, this post contains no art)

M-My tablet... It's not working ;____;
I dropped my tablet's pen... I've been dropping it a lot actually... But this time something happened to it and my tablet won't recognize it *sobsob* I tried changing the batteries, but no...
I don't think they sell separate tablet pens in Bulgaria and my mom says I have to wait till my dad comes back (the 12th...) and if I can't find a tablet pen that's sold separately, I'll have to get myself a new tablet.
The problem is, they're not cheap ;A; But if I do get one, it will have pen pressure unlike my current one ^_^
*is trying to look on the bright side*
I will keep on drawing though, I'll scan my art C: It's just that I'm better with CGing...

On another note, my friend Sakura sent me lovely gifts from Japan, where she went to see her relatives ♥ She sent me a couple of Uchiwa fans (My conclusion is that they're much more effective than normal fans!), a postcard, a photo of herself and an adorable wallet with a handmade maneki neko ♥ ♥ ♥
Thank you so much~

Also, I got an e-mail that was forwarded a bagazillion times (Yes, it was a chainletter) and after a google search (I'm a frilly pink scientist and I question everything!), I found out that this one has been going around SINCE 1999! Isn't it sad? The e-mail is supposedly from the 7 year old Amy Bruce, who is dying from lung cancer from second hand smoke and brain tumor from repetetive beatings and the Make-A-Wish organization donates 7 cents for every time the e-mail is sent. She's even on their website and they stated that they have nothing to do with it.
I feel that it is very sad that an organization with such a noble mission gets abused in this manner...
So please, check every heartbreaking chainletter which you get with your faithful friend google before forwarding! It makes people like me sad :<

Thanks for reading this artless post ♥
~Sushi-Tan

Friday, August 21, 2009

Am I losing my friends?

Note: Ok, at first I was quite unsure about writing this, because I was afraid my friends will see this, but whatever, they're nice people, so they'll understand (○゚ε^○)

Anyways, I'm writing this, because I feel that one certain friend is withdrawing further and further from me.
Now, maybe I should go into a little more detail:
I met this girl online, and she's always been really nice to me, we were very nice friends, so I thought I'd introduce her to my other friends as well, because I thought they'd like each other.
This happened one year ago. They DID like each other and the five of us (later 6, as she added her own friend too, she is also a lovely person) were very happy talking to each other...
Now I regret it. At first, she stopped writing to me, but sometimes she does that when she's tired and things like it, so I ignored it. Later, one of my friends told me that she hardly ever responds to her when she tries to talk to her.
Turned out, she just was feeling really scared when the two of us tried to talk to her. I don't know why, she didn't know why either. I don't blame her at all actually... I mean, we all have our moments, right?
Then, both of the friends I mentioned above, started playing Dream Of Mirror Online. They told me it was a wonderful game, so I tried to install it, but it kept giving me an error, so I couldn't do it. I just thought "( ̄-  ̄ ) ンーAh, well, it's just a game, I need the space in my computer anyways".
So everything seemed to be going nice, but those two friends kept on playing it and chatting in game (As you probably guessed/know, it's an MMORPG), but they barely wrote to me. Even when I write to them, they hardly ever write to me, unless they're REALLY bored. If I ask them why they're not responding, they're either tired, or just "too lazy"... The first few times I was ok with it, but then I started to wonder why in the world are they always tired/lazy when ~I~ write to them?! (Oh, by the way, I drew my real self instead of the blog's gijinka here)
Then the first friend I started talking about kept on changing her screenname to how much she loves the other friend. It's like both of them have forgotten about me and now only like each other.
Now, I know it sounds weird that I only write to them, but the first friend lives abroad and the other one lives 500km away from me. She came here a week ago... Well... NEW PARAGRAPH TIME *headdesk*
She was here last year too. She was nice, lively and happy. This year, she's completely different. She's lifeless, emotionless and doesn't enjoy life. Nothing interests her. Well, it seems drugs, alcohol and sex make an exception. I hope it's just me though. Even her speech has changed! Last year she used to say the proper Bulgarian words for some things, now she's using dialect words. Her grammar is horrible, while last year she used to correct people about it. She also uses the Bulgarian word for "fuck" every 2-3 words...
Maybe it's her new school, I don't know, but it was like I was with a different person...


Also, one of my best friends is moving away too. The rest of my friends are people I love, but barely meet.
I'm thankful that I have imaginary friends though! If it wasn't for them I'd be so lonely... Yes, I think it's better to have imaginary friends instead of no friends.
Like the girl on the left for example, she's Sasaki-san (Her first name is Kotoko, but she doesn't like it when people use it...) . She's about as big as my hand. ゚▽゚ She's pretty tsundere, so sometimes she gives me the cold shoulder, but she's very nice to me nonetheless... Still, she never goes easy on me or Momo-chan (another imaginary friend of mine whom I love very much) and often calls us idiots... (;・∀・)

But we both love Sasaki-san very much ♥

Anyways, I'm probably getting boring by now, so I should stop here... But first here's a little picture of a black sheep I drew when I was bored (I'm sorry, I cannot draw animals >_<;;;; But please give it some love, the herd hate it because it's black) :

Thanks for reading!
~Sushi-tan (^.^)v

P.S. I see Sasaki-san's picture seems really bad, but I don't know why it happens! I tried to fix it, but still... Maybe it's too big OnO;;;;

Sunday, August 16, 2009

First blog post☆


いらっしゃいませ and...
Welcome to my blog!

This first post is mainly about trying this out and seeing how it all works, so please bear with me~

First of all, let me explain what this blog is about:
Sometimes, I feel like I need to talk about what's happening to me, but anonymously. I feel better after doing so and this is the reason why I created this blog!
Also, each post will have at least one piece of original art ^^ If you'd like to see more of my work, please visit my gallery.

Now I would like to clear up on a few Q&A situations before I start blogging properly, so please read on~

Q: May I use your art on my website?
A: Absolutely not! It is considered art theft. If you want to use my art for non-commercial purposes, please ask me for permission first!

Q: Are you really a lolita?
A: Sadly, no. I would love to, but this style is too expensive for now. I am, however, saving up and trying to learn how to sew well enough, so I hope I can become one. Also, even though lolita is mostly a fashion, some would say they have the 'heart' of a lolita and I am also one of those people ♥

Q: Would you like to be friends?
A: People do not become friends by asking, they become friends by bonding~ Just talk to me.

Q: 1 ha73 U !!11!!11!1one1!!!
A: Good for you.

Q:May I ask a question?
A: Of course, just talk to me about it.

This is it for now ♥♥♥

~Sushi-Tan (^.^)v